The thing that makes it all worth
by MissMaal
Summary: Life is never easy. Not when you're in love with a girl that don't love you back. Not when you're unsure of what your heart is telling you. Not when your best friend calls you a mudblood. My take on Lily and James.
1. Chapter 1

It was raining.

It was Monday.

It was cold.

It was October.

It was exactly the kind of day that Lily Evans hated.

She was walking to class with her best friend Rosanna Miles and Alice Mayrose and was loudly wining about how crappy Mondays were when she hears a voice call out fore her

"Lily!" She turned away to see James Potter.

"Please not today James, I'm having a bad day, if you want to ask me out or proclaim your undying love for me, can you please do it tomorrow?" Lily said tiredly

James's face was slightly surprised but he was wearing a amused smile when he responded

"I was actually just looking for Moony, have you seen him?"

Lily blushed a glowing pink, not that she hadn't a right to think that James might ask her out but sit was still rather embarrassing. Her friends began to chuckle witch just added on more pink on Lily's face.

"Ohh... sorry. Uhhm I think he might be in the library, he wasn't finished with his Potion assay"

"I'm not finished, and I'm not in the library" James added his most charming grin to this statement and ruffled his hair

"Your such a dork sometimes..." Lily said but with half a smile showing on her face.

She started walking away to James's dismay and in a attempt to stop her from leaving he half shouted the first thing that came into his mind.

"Eyy Lily! Uhhm what time is it?"

"Almost two thirty" She responded and that kept on walking.

"Smooooth Prongs" Sirius had crept up behind his best friend to whisper in his ear.

"Uhhhrg Padfoot! Not cool! You do not whisper in a blokes ear, okay?"

Sirius just laughed.

"And I am too smooth! You should have seen me two minutes ago, I made her blush! I, James Potter, actually made Lily Evans blush"

"Man, you are so whipped!" Sirius rolled his eyes at his mate.

They where like brothers in many ways and had been so the last 6 years but he would never understand how James could be so... Lovesick. Sure Lily was hot, nice smart ect. But to let your world revolve around a girl how you barley ever had a real conversation with was way beyond him.

"How can you not be whipped when you look into those gorgous green eyes? Or the hair? Or the lips?" James asked a little dreamily.

"Or those boobs?" Sirius added, "I may not always agree with your infatuation with Lily but I will give you that, the girl has a nice body"

"Nice? It's Wonderlad!"

"You are _soo_ whipped" Sirius rolled his eyes yet again but he looked amused. "Come on let's get to transfiguration, or Minnie's gonna kill us"

"When you think about it, she could have killed us so many times this year, am I the only one to start to believes that she has a crush on us?

"Well,who could blame her, I'm fabulous!" Sirius said with a dazzling smile and a flip off his long hair as the boys headed to trasfiguration.


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm Bored..." The quiet whisper cracked Remus's attention. He sigh, brush his bangs out of his face, dip his quill in more ink and whisper an answer to Sirius so patiently he can.

"I know, you told me thirteen times in the past hour and half"

"Because I'm bored!"

"I know, just suck it up Padfoot!"

"I can't, it's to boring..."

To this, Remus decided not to answer and just continued taking notes from professor Slughorn's lecture on invisibility potions.

"Did you actually count how many times I said I was bored?" Sirius asked when it was apparent that his friend wasn't going to answer.

"shut it, would you?"

"But I'm Bo-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence or I will put flobberworms in your shampoo" Remus treated

" -red, I'll just use your"

"Why are we friends?" Remus asked tiredly

"Because you like James and James likes me?"

"Oh right, forgot"

"speaking of..." Sirius slowly said with a concentrated look.

"Noo please please no more speaking!" Remus begged but he might as well have been pleading to a stone for all the effect he had.

"Speaking of things James likes" Sirius continued "Is there any way to make miss I'm-to-good-for-you-Evans see that Prongsie isn't a git?"

"If I say no, will you stop talking?"

"Not likely Moony, I think we should make a plan!" He said and lit up like a kid on Christmas morning.

"How many times have we tried this, and how many times have we failed horrible?" Remus asked, untouched by his friend enthusiasm.

"The time with the roses wasn't **that** bad"

"Your not the one who grew a coat of flower pedals all over your body" Remus said, remembering the horrible week he spent in the hospital wing after a failed attempt to get Lily to go out with James by enchanting hundreds of roses to sing love song where ever she went.

"You smelled delicious for a month after that, and I already apologized for that like five times"

"I had rose pedals where one should never, ever get rose pedals" Remus stated with a horrified look

After a minute of quite laughter, Sirius sank into deep silence witch, to Remus's, relief lasted the remaining 15 minutes of class.

"I'm bored"

"Rosy, If you say that one more time, I'm gonna stick your wand so far down your throat that it will be sticking out far more south on you" Alice said in a uncharacteristic threatening tone. She was normally the 'good girl' while Rosanna was, well, not.

"Ohh your mean today"

"And you're soon going to have wood in your excrement"

"Alice, darling I'm just soo bored, I can't help it. You should be more concerned about pour little me who have to take this awful class!"

"I am taking it to?"

"Yes but you like it so it doesn't count"

"Herbologi is fun" Alice said a little defensive.

"Sweetheart, you have totally misunderstand that word. Making out in an empty classroom is fun, flying is fun, dressing up is fun. Having your arm down in a slimy plant that may shoot out sticky gore is not fun."

"If you say so" agreed Alice, knowing that this was the fastest way to make her friend shut up.

"you know, I was thinking"

"That's a first" Alice muttered under her breath but not loud enough for Rosanna to catch it.

"What was that? Well anyway, I was thinking, and you remember earlier today when James came to talk to Lily? And she blushed? I think she might start to fall for him"

"Are you insane? Well yeah you are but are you **that **insane? There is no way Lils will ever fall for him. I mean, sure he's hot but she hates him! And I kinda think she blames him for the hole 'Snape thing' in may..."

"He's a git!"

"Snape or James" Alice asked

"Snape! I like James remember, I think he would be good for Lily, liven her up a little. She is so uptight" Rosanna answer "And I say that with love" she added causing her friend to smile.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry for crappy updating, I've been away for the past three weeks and now my internet don't work but I'll post this as soon as I can :) A hundred times tanx for the comments, they made my day! And pls, I'm form Sweden so tell me if I spelled something wrong, or makes wired sentences, I'm relying on my spelling program for the moment... And as you may have noticed, I SUCK at summaries so if anyone have a suggestion or just some pointers, please leave a review or PM me :) **

**Disclaimer: Anything you recognize is ofc not mine but belongs to the fabulous Mrs JK Rowling...**

"Rosanna, can I talk to you for a moment?"

It was very rare for Sirius to talk respectfully with any girl, or woman for that matter, but there was something about Rosanna Miles that almost made him shy.

"Sure, what's up?" She answered and sat up a little more straightly in one of the red armchairs next to the fire in the nearly empty common room.

"I know this may seem silly, but, I mean, James likes Lily right? Yeah just so you know, and that's a lot he likes her, you got that..." Sirius was rambling, what was wrong with him? He tried again.

"Just spit it out Black!" Rosanna said with a laugh, he was kinda cute, she had in fact had a crush on him during there second year and a bit into third, but that's not the point, they're talking about Lily now.

"Sorry, So I was wondering, does Lily really hate James? Because he likes her a lot and he's my best mate and if that's the case I don't want him to get his hopes up just because she's being more civil to him over these last few months."

The sentence came out and, without to much incoherence.

"Why would I tell you?" She said with a small frown, this was all bound to the girl code, she really couldn't say anything, even if she knew.

"Oh I don't know, never mind" He said and turned away and went into the boys dormitory while Rosanna stared at his back.

"Rosy, have you seen my charms essay?" A panicked red head ran around, searching frenetic, in there dormitory when she came up, a few minutes after her short conversation with Sirius.

"What? Ohh no I haven't, have you checked on your desk?" She answered slowly.

Lily shoot her a glare that clearly said: 'Do I look stupid to you?' and continued to look under her pillow for the third time since Rosanna came in.

"Of course you have" Rosanna muttered to herself and sat down on her bed and opened the latest copy of Witch weekly.

After about ten minutes Lily exclaimed "Found it!" to which Rosanna only answer was a quiet 'mmm'.

"There must be something really interesting in there because I deserve a little more enthusiasm, don't you think?" Lily said grumpily.

"Ten ways to have a magical time in bed, without your wand..." Rosanna quickly red the headline before continuing the article.

"Not that you need any pointers, if you were a little worse maybe all the guys you made out with would leave you alone when you were done with them?" Lily said jokingly.

"Can't help it, its a natural talent" Rosanna answered in a tone matching Lily's and put away her magazine, after her talk with Sirius she was in the mode for some girl talk.

"It's a talent to sleep with horny guys?"

"You make me seam like a slut, I've never slept with a guy I didn't have feelings for."

"Marcus Jonas?" Marcus was a fellow Griffindor but in the year above and at a party last year things apparently went a little wild between him and Rose.

"We just made out!"

"Was he any good at it?" Lily asked with a blush.

"What? Why?" Rosanna was taken by surprise. Surely Lily couldn't care for him?

"He kinda' asked me out..."

"What!?"

"Yeah, when you and Alice where olwling your letters after dinner, he asked me to Hogsmed" Lily sounded a little unsure but a small smile was playing on her lips.

"But what about Potter?" This was not at all what Rosanna had planed to say but when she opend her mouth it just slipped out.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hope you like it :) Disclaimer, I don't own anything you recognize**

"Alice! Wake up!"

"Noo Rose, five more minutes..."

"We only have 30 minutes before classes start"

That made Alice swing out of her bed in a second

"30 minutes! You promised to wake me in time so I could shower!" Alice shouted while she was throwing clothes around her in her search for her uniform.

"Well, suck it up, I wanted to speak with you with out Lils around" Rosanna said calmly and started to apply mascara.

"Why didn't you just wait for muggel studies?" Alice asked annoyed.

"Hmm, I didn't think of that..."

"You didn't think of that? That's just great, thanks a lot."

"Stop being so grumpy, it's important!"

"Fine, what do you want?"

"Lily have a date..."

"With James?" Alice suddenly lit up.

"No. With Marcus" It was clear in her voice that Rosanna would have preferred the first.

"What? But you said... Lils and James..."

"I was wrong, Okay?"

"Why did you tell me this now instead of letting Lily tell me herself?"

"Because I don't like it and I wanted someone to complain with."

"YOU LET ME OVERSLEEP JUST SO YOU COULD COMPLAIN!?" Alice was a small girl, but the size of her lungs was not to be over looked.

"Hey guys, you are really late, we start in 10 minutes. I tough you were up and was going to wake Allie, Rose. What happened?" Lily asked at the breakfast table when her friends finally arrived.

"Ooh our clumsy little Alice got caught in the staircase on the second floor." Rosanna lied smoothly.

Alice looked like she was about to protest, but Lily started to speak before she could say anything.

"Okay, I really wanted to speak with you Alice, but you got in so late last night I didn't have time." Lily was clearly excited. "I'm going to hogsmead with Marcus Jonas this weekend!"

"Oh are you, I had no idea." Alice was a awful liar.

"You told her?" Lily asked Rosanna, disappointment clear in her voice.

"She was stuck in that staircase in, like, 20 minutes, I wanted to cheer her up!" Rosanna was on the other side a very good liar.

"Okay than, but what do you think Allie?" Lily asked.

"It's great Lily, really." It wasn't all that convincing but Lily didn't pay much attention.

"Thanks, I'm actually really excited about it." Lily said beaming at her friends.

"Excited about what?" James sat down next to Alice.

"Nothing." Lily replied a little to quickly. It wasn't a secret really but somehow it wouldn't feel right telling James about it.

"Come on, you can tell me." James pressed on.

"Okay, I'm kinda going to hogsmead with Marcus Jonas." Lily hated the way her voice turned uo at the end, like she was asking permission from James.

"Oh." Was all James said.

"Yeah..." Lily replied awkwardly.

"We should get to class, come on" Alice tried to fix the situation.

"Okay sure." Lily stood up ans walked away but when she turned her face she could she James with a stunned and somewhat hurt expression on his face, and Lily could feel a stupid lump in the pit of her stomach.

That's stupid, she tough to herself, I have nothing to feel guilty about and what do I care if I hurt James Potter's ego a little, he deserved it.

But something in her didn't totally agree.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Nothing compares to the feeling of getting a new follower or a new comment, thanks a bundle you guys! :D Disclaimer, I don't own anything you recognize**

"PRONGSIE!" Sirius ran into there shared room and jumped onto James's bed where James sat with a book in his lap that he didn't seem to be reading.

"Prongs? What's wrong bro?" A tone of worrying crept up in his voice when he took in James's appearance. His eye's were a little red on the edges, had he been crying?

"She has a date." There was no emotion in his voice but Sirius could almost feel the pain in himself, they were close.

"With who?" Not that it mattered really, but Sirius needed to know who they now were set on hating.

"Marcus Jonas" Crap, he's actually a nice guy, the keeper on the Gryffindor team.

"What are we going to do about it?" Nice guy or not, James was family and he will always go first.

"Nothing." The emptiness in his friends voice was beginning to scare him.

"You sure mate?"

"Yeah, if he makes her happy than..." His sentence trailed of into nothingness but Sirius got the point.

"Don't give up, it's just a date, let's see what happens."

"Fine, yeah, okay"

"Maybe you should try to talk to her?" Sirius sucked at giving advice but he hated the look of his brother that sad.

"About what?"

"Dunno, apologize maybe, Or ask why she dislikes you. Or snog her, that should work." Sirius had no idea what he was saying.

"Your mad, you know that, right?" Something resembling a smile crept up on James's face, Sirius always cheered him up.

"Yeah, I know" Sirius stood up and headed for the door but when he reached it James spoke.

"Eyy Pads, thanks."

"No problem" James may be pathetic, locked up crying in his room, but he really was a great guy.

The clock was almost nine and the Gryffindor common room was slowly emptying. Lily however was getting ready for a prefect patrol. Not that there was to much to get ready for but mentally sha was a nervous wreak. The patrol was with Severus. Her ex-best friend that she hadn't spoken to since he'd begged for forgiveness in the middle of the night outside of the common room.

"Are you sure you wanna do this?" Remus asked, "I can take your place if you want"

"No, you look awful, no offense, you should be resting" the full moon had just passed.

"I'm fine, I'll do it." In truth Remus was about to pas out but Lily was his friend and there was almost nothing he wouldn't do for his friends.

"No, I'll have to speak with him sooner or later. I hid from him all summer and that's not who I want to be, I want to be stronger than that, I want to be someone that faces her problems head on."

"You terrified, aren't you?" Remus knows her pretty well.

"Horrified!" She admitted, and than burst out laughing. Lily had one of those laughs that, when you you hear them you can't resist laughing to, so there they sat for a minute just laughing there heads of for no reason.

"I'll be fine" She said with a reassuring smile before she stood up and left the common room.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Enjoy darlings! Disclaimer, I don't own anything you recognize. **

Severus was shewing his nails into stumps. This was his chance, his time to make things right between them. Apologize and be forgiven. He had been almost twenty minutes early and when he finally heard the click-clack of Lily's high heels he was so nervous that he felt like he was going to faint.

"Hi Severus." Lily's voice wasn't cold, nor was it happy. It was like they were distant acquaintances. Well it could have been worse.

"Hi." That was not what he had planed to say but the grand speech he had prepared in his mind just seemed silly now.

"Should we start with the towers, than work our way down?" Lily had to work hard to keep the tone of hysteria out of her voice.

"Sure" That was the best he could do? _Sure. _What's wrong with him, Severus mentally kicked himself.

They walked in silence. Unbearable silence. And no matter how many times Severus tried he also found that it was a unbreakable silence. He couldn't get a sound past his lips.

He made mental countdown in his head. Tree. Two. One.

"Lily?" He did it!

"Yeah?" She turned her head slightly but didn't look at him.

"How are you?" NO! WAIT! What the fudge did you say, you dumb as! Severus mentally cursed himself, that was not even close to what he had planed to say!

"Fine, tanks." And again, there was silence.

Half an hour past. An hour. Two. They were almost to the dungeons now. He must say something!

"Do you hate me?" The question took Lily by surprise, she thought they weren't going to talk, after two hours she had relaxed and now she answered without thinking it trough.

"I don't know." It was true, but she wished she had said yes,she wanted to hurt him like he had hurt her.

The lack of no encouraged Severus and the word he had been dying to say a night, all summer, came rushing out now.

"Lils, I am so very sorry, please sweetie, please forgive me! I miss you so much and I was so stupid, it was Potter, I would never ever say something like that if he hadn't put me on the spot like that!" He could feel the tears burning in his eyes but didn't to bother to try to hid it. It was Lily, his soul mate, his better half, the love of his life, she knows that he cries sometimes.

"Sev..." The hurt in her voice was obvious. She didn't know what to say. The rage had gone out of her when she needed it the most and now she just stood there, feeling like she was ten years old again, longing to embrace her best friend and say that everything was alright that she forgives his, that everything will be as it ones was. But she can't. She can't ever forgive him.

"Lily please!" The tears spilled over now.

"No." The resolve in her voice surprised her. "No I can't! You broke us! We're broken and there are no apologizes that can ever fix that!" And with that, she ran. As soon as she had got trough the portrait of the fat lady she slumped down, back against the wall, and sobbed. She couldn't forgive him but she missed him, when they did homework by the lake, when they sneaked into the kitchen and drank hot chocolate, or when they went for midnight walks through the streets back home.

"Lily?"

It was James Potter. The boy that had made Severus life hell for the past six years, it was he that made Severus say what he did. It was his fault that she no longer had Severus for a best friend!

"What? What can possibly want Potter? Haven't you ruined my life enough?"

The words took James aback, It was quite a while since there last fight, they had both been trying to act civil at least the past months and James thought they were actually beginning to become friends.

"Ruined your life?" He didn't understand.

"I don't want to go out with you, I don't want to speak with you, I don't want to see you. Ever!" It felt good, to get the words out, the rage that had been missing during her conversation with Snape had returned and she needed someone to take it out on.

"I lost my best friend all because of you, because of you and your fondness of hexing people just because you can!" Okay maybe that wasn't really fair. Lily couldn't remember James hexing anyone the past couple of months but she didn't care.

"Okay." That was all he said before he headed up stairs to the boys dormitory.

Lily got up, stumbled to the nearest couch, fell down in it and let the sobs shake her body and the tears stream down her face until she fell asleep by exhaustion.

She woke when the first rays of sun hit her face and got up to her room, and went into the shower. It was Saturday and her date with Marcus was in a couple of hours. She consecrated of that while she shampooed her red curls, it was either that or coming up on how to apologizes to James. She hadn't been very nice, he really hadn't done anything wrong she just needed to scream at and sadly enough he happened to be there.

Lily looked her refection in the mirror that was beginning to fog up by the hot steam from the shower and quietly said to her self:

"I suck..."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Enjoy! :D I don't own anything!**

"She's a bitch!" Sirius was loudly complaining two Remus and Peter, the last member of there little group decided to stay in bed being miserable today.

"Pads, what Lily did wasn't cool but I'm sure there is a explanation, she had been on patrol with Snivellus all night, maybe she was on edge..." Remus trailed of from the look on Sirius face.

"He didn't do anything!"

"I know, but please don't be to harsh on her."

"No promise."

Lily was sitting on the Gryffindor table calmly eating her breakfast with her friends. Sirius had planed to let her be, maybe shoot her dirty looks but at the sight if her laughing when his best friend probably was upstairs weeping. He headed right toward her, probably interrupting something but not caring a bit.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Sirius hissed right in her face.

"Black, what are you doing?" Lily recoiled by the shock.

"Your a bitch, you know that right?" Sirius was pissed!

"You've talked to James?" The understanding and guilt could easily be heard in her voice.

"You're damn right I talked to James! " Sirius voice started to risen and the people in the sets nearest was turning there heads.

"I don't really have time with this Black, I've got to go..." Lily was feeling unconformable, she knew she hadn't been nice but it wasn't anyone's business.

"Yeah you've got a big date to get ready for." With that Sirius stormed out leaving a stunned Lily and two unconformable and unsure marauders behind him.

"What did you do to James?" Alice asked trembling.

"Nothing." Lily could feel the tears starting to burn in her eyes, was she really that bad?

"That didn't seem like nothing..." Rosanna pressed on.

"Leave it please."

"Sure, sorry." Alice shot a Rosanna a glare when she looked like she was going to protest.

"I've got to go, see you later." Lily rose and left half a cup coffee behind and a an untouched sandwich.

"Yeah, good luck sweetie." Alice called after her.

"What 's with James?" Rosanna turned excitedly to Remus and Peter.

"Apparently Lily was really all that pleasant last night..." Remus wasn't sure how much he should say.

"Last night?" Alice's eyebrows mashed together in a frown, "Wasn't she on patrol all night?"

"Yeah, with Snape, and I suppose she got upset or something 'cause she kinda went of on James."

"With Snape? Why didn't she tell us?" Alice was feeling a little hurt.

"Guess she didn't want you to worry."

"But we're her friends!" No the hurt was on Rosanna to.

"So was he."

"We are nothing like that git, and you know it!" Rosanna's temper was beginning to flair.

"Anyway, what did Lily say?" Alice tried to calm Rosanna by changing the subject.

"I think she blamed him for what Snape said or something."

"That's stupid!" Peter had been half asleep when James had gotten into the dormitory in a weird kind of hysteria, so he hadn't heard the hole story.

"Well, that's Lily." Alice said slowly.

"So she really does blame him? I thought she just wanted something to be mad about." Remus couldn't see how it possibly could be James's fault.

"No, not really but technical he wouldn't had said anything right that and there if James hadn't hung him upside down." Alice felt the need to defend her friend.

"Allie, we should help Lily get ready, lets go." There wasn't that much they could do for Lily but Rosanna badly wanted to talk to her and Alice caught on.

"Yeah sure, she's probably panicking over how to have her hair." That was a lie, they had already decided for a ponytail. "See you later guys"

"Later."

* * *

An hour later Lily was heading down to the entrance in a pair of black, tight jeans, a green button up tank top and a leather jacket. That outfit had been carefully chosen thee night before. The girls had gone thru at least a dozen of Lily's tops until she had nothing near sexy enough for a first date so the top she was now wearing was a courtesy of Rosanna.

"Wow..." Marcus breath quietly as she came to stand next to him in the line that was beginning to form. Lily could feel a blush spreading in her face and all she could come up with as an reply was:

"Hi." Lame! She sounded so lame!

"You look amazing." His voice was filled with admiration.

"Thanks" The blush grew redder. That wasn't a good answer either.

"So, what do you wanna do today?"

"I don't know, doesn't matter." What's wrong with her today!

Marcus laughed lightly "Well, you have just given up your right to complain if this turn out awful." He looked at her and winked.

Lily laughed to and relaxed a little. "I'm a girl, I always have the right to complain."

"Well, lets hope you don't have to."

"Let's."

After that the conversation flowed on easy, the topic of grades and professors got them all the way to the tree broomsticks, there the subject of their family's came up and lasted threw out two butterbeers and then it was animals, the future, Quidditch, love, muggels and only Merlin knows what.

When the sun was beginning to set they had ended up in a small dung of trees just outside the village.

"Lily?"

"Hmm?"

Instead of answering he slowly bent down and touched her lips with his. The kiss was quick and light but the tingling in both their lips was strong enough to get them another one, a more passionate this time. And then another one. It didn't take long before Lily was pressed up against a tree with her hands wrapped around his neck and his hands grabbing her hips.


End file.
